I was trying to be nice because my boyfriend wasn’t feeling well, so I made him homemade cookies. They smelled like they were burning, so in a panic I threw the oven open and grabbed the pan with no oven mit on. I burned my hand and fingers badly, and threw the pan and cookies all over. He came in the kitchen to check on me and threw up on the floor. I had to treat my burns, then clean up his puke. #MNS

The one night I was legitimately doing homework on my computer (not playing games or on facebook) my little brother came in and saw a video of a women discussing monthly breast exams. He ran to tell my mom I was watching “boobies”. She refused to believe it was an assignment for health class, not me trying to watch porn. She confiscated my laptop until further notice. #MNS

I invited my girlfriend over to dinner with my family. My mom got sloppy drunk, grabbed my girlfriend and said “You know he wasn’t circumcised until he was 7, right? Did he tell you? #MNS

Since I was getting over a cold, and not feeling too hot, I agreed to do other “favors” for my boyfriend instead of having sex. It was going fine, until out of nowhere I sneezed so violently that I bit him. He screamed and pushed me off his bed. He is still swollen and bruised. #MNS

I was so excited to finally go night skiing for the first time ever with friends. I went out and bought all new gear, and paid for lift tickets for the entire week. First run was great. I fell and dislocated my knee on my second run. I’ll be in bed for the rest of the week.#MNS

I went out on a blind date with a very attractive girl. About halfway through, I realized that I had forgotten her name. I called her “babe” and “hon” to cover it up, which of course only served to make her more interested in me. We ended up having sex and she told me to shout her name. I shouted the wrong name. I had to walk home with a black eye since she was my ride. #MNS

I decided last minute to hit up a big after Christmas sale. I couldn’t believe all of the amazing deals I was finding, and how lucky I was to find stuff in my size. I got up to the register, got rang up, and went to pay. That’s when I realized I had left my wallet at my mom’s house over Christmas. I could picture it sitting there on the table, 200 miles away. #MNS

I stopped by my grandma’s house just to say “hi” this evening, but she wasn’t there. I was surprised because she is usually home by that time. I called everyone in the family, but no one answered. I started to get worried, but finally my cousin called me back to tell me that grandma had invited everyone out to dinner. I just called my grandma to ask why I wasn’t invited. She said “I thought you weren’t into stuff like that.” What, eating? #MNS

A few of my friends and I decided to smoke in my car. We brought out my brand new laptop to keep us entertained. We were so high that we just got out of the car and went inside. Someone left the car door open. Thieves took everything, including my laptop we left in there. #MNS

Last night, me and my friends got smashed. I woke up with no eyebrows, a bald spot shaved into the top of my head, and a sharpie beard. I am going to look like a pathetic hobo clown for at least a week. #MNS